Ode to Yesterday

Birdie, birdie, in the sky
Dropped a turdie in my eye.
Aren't we glad that cows don't fly?
Birdie, birdie, in the sky.

True story, but with an added bonus.

So we went to take out the trash yesterday, Emerson & I.  I didn't lock the door because I'd be as fast as possible now that it feels like 1000 degrees out there.  Anyway, upon arriving home, I found a lovely note on my door saying "Your apartment was sprayed today. - Pest Control."

How nice.  They come monthly so I wasn't surprised at all.  What wasn't so nice, however, was that they had locked me out.  Of my own apartment.  That wasn't previously locked.  GRRR.

So I was stranded in an oven AKA Mississippi.  My wheels kicked in gear and I marched the three flights of stairs back down to the office and explained the situation. 

On my way back with new key in hand, something wet splashed in my eye. And it stung like crazy.  So I figured it must be a little turdie, but after wiping my eye found nothing that resembles that stuff.  Nothing white, nothing black.  Just nothing.  So my subconscious guessed dew or sap or who-knows-what from the tree.  But it still stung, all the way up the roasting three flights of stairs back to my house.

It was only 2 hours later at home that I noticed I had turdie on my shirt.  So I knew the truth.  But I still didn't know how it splashed into my eye.  I mean, I wasn't exactly looking up when I was hit and I thought it was weird that it would've splashed off my shirt all the way up into my eye.  But whatever.  Gravity does weird things I guess. 

Well at dinner, Will kindly asked what was on my glasses. 

"Oh, that's just the poop that ricocheted into my eyeball causing stinging and seemingly imminent eyeball death."

In sum, I and my shirt and my glasses sustained birdie turdie while being locked out by no doing of my own.  As my mother pointed out to me via a sympathetic text, at least the day could only get better :)