Read with caution: Includes Venting

Dear Yet-to-be-Named Collection Company,

Please stop calling my work phone looking for the girl who had my job before I did.  I've told you a million times that she no longer works here and can't be reached at this number and "NO, I do not have her new number nor will I transfer you to HR to verify her non-employment at my location."  How many times do I have to say this to you in my obviously-annoyed yet courteous tone?  I've told you to do whatever you have to in order to get my number off your list because no matter how many times you call, you won't find her here. 

Also, while you refuse to say over the phone for which company you are calling, I know you're a collection company because another company left their name and I googled it discovered who you people are that keep harassing me. 

And just to let you know, I laugh at the messages you leave because I've never heard someone threaten me via voicemail.  "If I were you, I would be very scared. And if you do not return my call, I can only wish you the best of luck."  Wow, really?!  If you are required to make outbound phone calls to people who owe you money, don't you think kindness and courtesy would be the desired way to do get them to work with you?  Besides, there's something to be said for customer service, which you are far from displaying. I have an example for you of a poor customer service agent from your company and I would like to file a complaint against her along with all the other agents who have called me. 

Me:  "Hello?"
Rude Agent #57: "Yes, may I speak with _______?"
Me: "She no longer works here."
Rude Agent #57: "Ok, well do you have a number I can reach her at?"
Me: "No I don't.  And will you please stop calling me trying to reach her, because she DOESN'T WORK HERE ANYMORE."
Rude Agent #57: "I can't do anything about that. And if you won't give me the information I'm looking for, then I won't do anything for you."
{insert utter disbelief and shock from being spoken to like this by a complete stranger}
Me:  "Wow."
{hang up on Rude Agent #57}

You see my frustration? You are impossible to work with, and I refuse to answer your phone calls to try to help you anymore.  In the future, I will only allow you to leave threatening messages that I will laugh at and discard.

Cordially,
Ticked-off Debt-free Citizen



Side note:
After letting one of my coworkers hear the messages they leave, he said, "Oh ya, I remember the days of collection calls.  Haha...they don't leave you alone until you pay, that's for sure." 
{insert more disbelief and shock from hearing that this is a somewhat common occurrence for people my age}

Really, though.  I get calls from the same 3 collection companies at least twice each week and have been since I started in my position...6 months ago.  How long does it take to get her name off your list?!

I'm fed up with these people.